one word to describe how im feeling right now = confused

should i say dat ever since i have fallen for ue, i have become more and more dumb.more and mores stupid and more and more blind?why am i still waiting for ue when ue have done so much to hurt me?ppl have been asking me million times over and over again but i just simply cant find the answer.is the answer within ue or dere isnt any answer at all.why do ue seems dat ue care sometimes and ue don the next min?why do ue always make me feel so happy dat as if i am flying and the next few moments ue will make me fall?why do ue have to do tis to me?is hurting me to ue is fun?is it fun at all?hello.im not a toy or wat to let ue play with leh.im a human just like ue have feelings one.have i reali been blindingever since i know ue.i know ue have been telling ppl things behind me but i just pretend not o know.sometimes ue things dat ue didnt sat doesnt mean i don know.i now wat is goin on all the time but its just dat i act nothing is goin on dat i don evn know wat is happening.

is hurting me so fun and enjoyable to ue?if ue do enjoy and like it.den fine continue wat ue are doin then.and ue told ppl dat i always shout at ue?tink of it carefully larh.since when i have been shouting at ue.i don even bear to hurt ue and i say i will protect ue fom any harm sodo ue tink i will even bear to scold ue ma?even when ppl or even my frens scold ue, i would even tell them not to be so bad and say boutue all.i care so much for ue not wanting ue to get hurt.rather getting hurt myself so cant ue understand tis at all?i don know sometimes ue say those harsh words its on purpose anot,but i know myself very clearly dat no matter wat ue do,i will still wait.i will wait for ue.if ue say those words on purpose, den im sorie it doesnt work on me.i will just talk it as a joke dat ue are telling.even if ue mean wat ue say,i also don care.i will still wait.nothing can stp me from falling for ue.i just don wan to regret in the future cuz i know the feelings of being regretting bout something already.don wan it to repeat again.dat will hurt me even very more deeply. watever it is now, i just wish ue all the best for everything.i will be ur guardian angel and protect ue from afar from any harm as much as i can.hoping dat ue are fine and well.i just hope dat ue will be able to be with me tonight.able to be with me when i need ue.when i need ue so so so badly.ue will just be ther efor me.lending me ur shoulders to cry on.listening to wat i have to say.telling me dat everything is goin to be alright.